What to Do When You Think a Loved One Has Dementia
Recognizing signs of dementia in someone close to you can be unsettling, especially when changes in memory and behavior seem more than just normal aging.
- While occasional forgetfulness is common with age, dementia brings more pronounced and consistent cognitive decline.
- Observing these shifts can be emotionally difficult, particularly if your loved one is unaware of their symptoms.
If you’re concerned, there are steps you can take to approach the situation with empathy, respect, and support.
Talk to Others Who Are Close to Your Loved One
Before raising concerns with your loved one, it’s helpful to gather perspective from others who interact with them regularly.
- This isn’t about speaking behind their back but rather gaining a well-rounded view of their behavior.
- Others may have also noticed patterns like confusion, forgetfulness, or personality changes.
- Focus on sharing concerns with trusted friends or family, not casual acquaintances.
These conversations can also help determine who might be the best person to talk directly to your loved one, especially if someone else shares a closer bond.
Plan a Thoughtful Conversation
Before initiating a discussion, outline what you want to say and how to say it.
- Keeping a private record of specific incidents may help you identify recurring patterns, though it’s best not to reference a diary directly during the conversation.
- Reflect on your loved one’s current awareness:
- Have they expressed concern about their memory?
- Do they consider forgetfulness just a part of aging?
- Could fear or denial be preventing them from seeking help?
Taking time to think these questions through can shape a more supportive and effective approach.
Choose the Right Time and Place to Talk
Timing and setting matter when bringing up sensitive topics like cognitive decline.
- Aim for a calm, private environment without distractions.
- Ensure both of you are well-rested and emotionally stable to reduce the chance of defensiveness or confusion.
Start the conversation gently by asking if they’ve noticed any recent changes in how they think or feel.
- Show care and concern rather than confrontation, and remind them that your goal is to help, not criticize.
Communicating With Compassion
Use techniques that promote understanding and reduce tension when talking about memory or behavioral concerns.
- Speak with “I” statements to express your perspective, such as “I noticed…” rather than “You always…”.
- Avoid the word “dementia” early in the conversation if it may cause fear or denial.
- Emphasize your role as a supportive partner, offering help rather than judgment.
- Listen closely and adapt your approach based on how they respond — flexibility is key in emotionally charged discussions.
Encourage a Medical Evaluation
If your loved one is open to listening, suggest visiting a doctor or geriatrician for evaluation.
- Frame it around the benefits of early diagnosis, which can lead to more effective treatment and better planning.
- Explain that other conditions like depression, medication interactions, or vitamin deficiencies could also be responsible.
Offer to accompany them to the appointment to ease anxiety and provide moral support.
- Knowing they’re not alone in the process may increase their willingness to act.
If They Refuse Medical Help
Sometimes people with early-stage dementia may deny or not realize anything is wrong.
- This can make it difficult to move forward, especially if safety becomes a concern.
If you’re worried about their behavior — such as forgetting the stove, driving unsafely, or mismanaging medications — consider reaching out to their doctor.
- While you don’t need permission, it’s respectful to ask: “Would it be OK if I share what I’ve noticed with your doctor?”
- A healthcare provider may be able to follow up subtly, planting the idea of a check-up in a less direct way.
Ultimately, the decision to raise the issue during a visit is up to the doctor.
Don’t Neglect Your Own Mental Health
Supporting someone who may be developing dementia can become emotionally and mentally exhausting.
- Feelings of guilt, frustration, or grief are normal and need to be acknowledged.
- Taking care of your own well-being ensures you’ll be better equipped to support your loved one long-term.
Consider speaking with a therapist or joining a caregiver support group to help manage stress and build resilience.
Takeaway: How to Support a Loved One Showing Signs of Dementia
If you suspect dementia, start by talking with close contacts and planning a gentle, informed conversation.
- Respect their autonomy while guiding them toward professional evaluation.
- If they resist help, find alternative ways to involve medical professionals without escalating fear or resistance.
- And most importantly, take care of your own health as you navigate these challenges.
Finding the right approach takes patience and empathy, but your support can make a meaningful difference in your loved one’s life.
